A Happy Fuzzy Blog

And now for something completely different

Last time I saw my neurologist, she referred me to the botox clinic (since I'd already tried a bunch of meds for my migraines, and everything either worked for a while and then stopped working, made the migraines worse, or did nothing at all, except the topamax which has helped tremendously, but not enough, and I've made every lifestyle change I can make).  Somehow, the idea of getting a bunch of injections in my head made me visualize myself doing an imitation of a hedgehog.  Silly, of course.  I was getting injections, not acupuncture.  It's just one needle injecting me several times, not several simultaneous injections.

So today I went for the injections.  The botox clinic wasn't actually a separate clinic; it was just one doctor in the neurology clinic who does the injections.  He explained the whole procedure and the history of using botox for migraines, all of which I'd read about already, but I politely paid attention, and then he asked if I had any questions.  I asked about my insurance coverage, i.e., how frequently they would pay.  They had agreed to pay for today, but only for today, and he said the shots only lasted a few months.  I would need to come back.  He said their insurance person would work it out.

He asked if I had any other questions and I didn't.  He then said, "You didn't ask if it hurts."  Huh.  I guess it didn't occur to me.  I mean, they're injections.  I've had injections before.  Some hurt more than others, but mostly, they're really not that bad.  A little bit of pain for a tiny instant, and then it's over.  Ok, I've never had that many shots all at once before, and I've never had them in my head before, but pain in my head?  Oh, I'm used to that.  Little tiny injections in my head can't possibly compare to the pain I'm used to having in my head.  So it just didn't even occur to me to ask if it would hurt.

So I just said, "I guess I'll find out."  Then he went on and on about what a tiny little needle he uses, smallest needle there is, blah blah blah.  Um, yeah, ok.  That's nice.

So then he did the injections.  20-30 of them, in my forehead, the sides of my head, and the back of my neck.  Can't remember exactly how many.  It didn't take very long at all.  It didn't really hurt much.  It just felt like tiny little pokes.  No big deal.

It should take effect in 1-14 days.  It may get rid of all of my migraines, or it may get rid of some of them, or it may lessen the severity of the ones I do get.  Or it may not do squat.  I'll have to wait and see.  But it's got an 80% success rate, so here's hoping.  Wow, without migraines, I might actually have the energy to do stuff like a normal person.   That would be really cool.

Again

I think my new bifocals are right this time.

 

I'm still getting used to them, but they're definitely better than the last two tries.

I do kind of miss the old days.  The days when I could realize I needed new glasses, go for an eye exam, get new glasses, and see better.  Just like magic!  Put on new glasses for the first time, see better!  Ta da!

That's how it always was.  The first time I got glasses, I put them on for the first time and looked out the optician's office window and was absolutely amazed that I could see the leaves on the trees!  I had absolutely no idea that I was supposed to be able to see something that far away!  That's what far meant!  You might as well have given me X-ray vision or the ability to see microbes with the naked eye, it was so astounding.  Seeing leaves on trees.  Wow.  That was really something.

Now, I realize I need new glasses, go for an eye exam, get new glasses, and it's harder to see than before.  They tell me I need to get used to the glasses.

But I think they're right this time.  I'm still getting used to looking at things, but my eyes don't hurt this time.  The first time around I only wore them for 10 minutes.  Then they remade them, and second time around, I wore them, but they made my eyes ache and water and I realized I was squinting a lot.  They remade them again, and this time, my eyes feel normal.  I just have to get used to looking at things. I've been wearing them for a few days now, and I think I'm getting the hang of it.

And they match my shoes!

(I don't usually have a vein bulging in my forehead, but you try taking a photo of yourself while holding your foot up to your head!)

If the glasses of frustration are more than half full...

So I got my new glasses.  Notice how you don't see a picture of me wearing them?

I picked them up in the shop over a week ago, realized these are going to take some getting used to, and they showed me how to look up, look down, how to tilt my head down to look at the floor instead of just looking down with my eyes...  Things looked a little weird, but ok, I thought, I can get used to this.  It'll just take time.  And then I took them off, put my sunglasses on to go out into the blinding sunlight, and went home.

I got home, sat on the couch, took off my sunglasses, put on the bifocals, and everything was blurry.  No matter what I looked at, if I looked straight at it, it was blurry.  The trees out the window, the dining room chairs, my spinning wheel, the Buddha on the table...it was all blurry if I looked straight at it.  If I tilted my head down and looked through the top of the lenses, then everything came into focus.

But I can't spend the majority of my day with my neck bent and my eyes looking "up" just to look forward.  That's a one way ticket to Migraineville.  I spent about 10 minutes wearing them, trying to figure out if I was missing something, then realized I was starting to get a headache, and what's more, that I was starting to think of them as "the bifocals of death," so I took them off and put my old glasses on.

So the next morning I took them back to the shop.  They spent a lot of time adjusting them so they weren't quite in the same place when I wore them, and that did help a little bit, but not quite enough.  They had to remake them.

Well, ok.  I can understand how sometimes something might not be perfect the first time.  Kind of like reknitting a sleeve.  Cough.

So about a week later I picked them up again.  This time when I looked straight ahead, things were in focus.  Cool.  And when I looked down, I could read.  Well, that was nifty.  So I figured everything was just peachy.

Oh, did I say, "I figured"?

Sigh.  I did.

When I wore them for longer than I had in the shop, I started noticing things.  Like they made my eyes really tired.  After only half an hour my eyes ached.  It felt like everywhere I looked other than straight ahead, the world was blurry.  I understood I needed to move my head up and down to look at things, but I had to move my head from side to side too.  It felt like I was wearing glasses with lenses about half the diameter of a dime.  Everything to the side of that was blurry.  Was that normal with progressives?  (I found it hard to believe it would be, but what did I know?)  Would regular bifocals not be like that?  Was this just the wrong prescription?  Also, I was sure that the prescription for close up was wrong because I could actually see a little better without the glasses than with, and that wasn't right!

I called the doctor's office and they had me come in to verify that the glasses were made to the prescription as ordered (they were), and to retest my eyes.  I ended up with quite a different prescription.  Not just different numbers than before, but numbers written in the axis and cylinder columns for one eye, which I never had before.  Yikes, I'm getting complicated eyes now.  So I'm not sure what happened before.  Maybe I tried too hard to read the tiny letters I really couldn't read last time.  "G, or maybe that's an O...P, Z, or it could be a 7..."  But surely that didn't sound confident?

This time I made it clear that sometimes there were things I could barely make out, but they were blurry.  So they're going to remake the glasses again with the new prescription, and if I'm lucky, this time they'll be right.  They can't possibly have to remake them as many times as I've reknit the sleeves that still aren't right, right?  Right?  Right?

As far as those sleeves go, I've kind of figured out more or less what I need to do, but I haven't worked out the numbers yet, and I don't really feel like even looking at the sweater right now.  Let's just say the sweater has to go sit in a corner for a month because it's been naughty.  After it's had time to think about what it's done, I'll forgive it and do what needs to be done with the sleeves and finish it and all will be well and we'll live happily ever after together.  Yeah, that's it.  And then vegan oatmeal raisin cookies will grow on trees.

Ahem.  Anyway, for now I'm practicing project monogamy with my sock, and wow, socks go really fast when you just knit them and nothing else!  I suppose that shouldn't come as a surprise, but usually they're just my bus knitting, so it's 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there, 30 minutes here...it all adds up, and over time I get a lot of socks knit, but man, spending a couple of hours just knitting the sock gets so much sock done!  It's amazing!  Well, if you're amazed by simple things, like I am, anyway.

Stupid stupid stupid sleeves from hell

Shit.  Shit shit shit.  Shit goddamn fuck.  Fuck fuck fuck.

Ok, I'm pissed.  (And I assume any of you who are offended by swearing probably don't even read my blog, so, um, yeah.  Hi.)  I've had a migraine for two days, and aside from sleeping away large portions of the day, one of the few things I can do is knit.  If I try to do anything that involves moving or thinking at all, ow, that's bad.  Railroad spikes, pounding, stabbing, squeezing eyeballs, bad bad bad.  So no moving.  No thinking.  Sitting motionless, doing mindless stockinette in a dark room?  I can do that.  Ah, sweet endorphins.

So since all I've been doing for the past two days is knitting and sleeping, I managed to finish the second sleeve of the sweater I've been working on since last summer.  You know the one.  The one I had to redesign about three times, and then when I worked out a design I liked, I had to redo the first sleeve about 4000 seven times to get it to fit right.  But fit right it did.  I had the sense to realize that all my sleeves always end up too short because I finish the sleeves before I do the front bands and collar, and then when I do those it pulls the shoulders higher, so before finishing the first sleeve I went ahead and did the bands and collar, then went back to the sleeve.  I tried it on over a long sleeved shirt since that's how I would be wearing it, measured several times, knit more, tried it on again, knit more, tried it on again, etc.  It was perfect. 

And then I made the second sleeve exactly the same as the first.  They are exactly the same length. 

So when I finished the second sleeve, I figured, well, I should try it on before I start working all the ends in.  And I did.  And both sleeves are indeed the same length.  Nearly an inch too short.

Fuck!

I will repress the urge to burn it...for now.

I will repress the urge to throw the whole thing into the dumpster...for now.

I will repress the urge to throw the whole thing into one of those collection boxes for clothing for homeless people they have all over town...for now.  Mainly because it isn't actually finished, and geez, if I'm going to give something to a homeless person, it should at least be wearable.

But...I don't get it.  And I can't even start thinking about it now because thinking = railroad spikes.

If I wasn't a person who was absolutely freezing all winter, I'd say "screw sleeves" and just knit vests.  But I freeze in the winter.  I need sleeves.

Or I would knit shawls except I wear a backpack everywhere I go.  Shawls and backpacks just really don't work so well together.

I really need to figure out what the hell I'm missing.  Why can I never get my sleeves the right length?

Oh fuck.  I'm going to go work on my sock.

It's Official

Well, it's official.  I'm old now.  (At this point half of you are saying, "Riin, you are not old," and the other half are saying, "Well, duh, we knew that, so what's your point?")  I'm getting my first pair of bifocals. I've realized for quite a while that I needed them, but I've been putting off going for an eye exam because glasses are fucking expensive, and bifocals even more so.  But I really couldn't put it off any longer.

I suppose maybe bifocals mean I'm officially middle-aged rather than old, though I knew a kid in my elementary school who wore very thick bifocals. That seems to be pretty unusual though.  It seems to be something people start with in their 40's, no?  So I'll be officially old when?  When I start menopause?  At my last physical my doctor asked me if I was still having periods.  Ok, that freaked me out a little.  I kind of felt like, "I'm only 43!  How old do you think I am?"  But I guess some women start menopause in their early 40's.

I'm mostly joking when I say I'm old.  I don't really feel old.  On the other hand, I'm not ashamed of being 43.  I am the age I am, and I feel better and look better than I did 20 years ago.  I'm in far better health now.  My eyes aren't as good, but the rest of me is in a lot better shape. I weigh 100 pounds less than I did 11 years ago.  I eat a much healthier diet, I get a lot more exercise, and my head is more together.  I've figured out more about life.  It took time and experience, some good and some bad, to become the person I am today.

So I've got a lot of gray hair, and I'm getting more all the time.  That's fine.  I have no intention of dyeing it.  I think it's pretty.  And I'll tell anyone how old I am.  I really don't understand women who lie about their age.  My mom tells people she's 39.  Um, so she gave birth to me four years before she was born?  Well, that's one for the tabloids.

Anyway, I wonder if there is some definition of what age is young, what's middle-aged, what's old, or if it's just relative, i.e., I'm old compared to the 22-year-old students who work for me, but young compared to my mom (even if she is "39" -- right, Mom), or if it just varies by individual? I mean, you know how sometimes you meet two different people and you find out they're the same age, but you'd swear one was 15 years older than the other?  I think I used to be older than I am now in some ways.

In any case, I'll have my new glasses in about a week.  I got violety/purple frames that really rock it with my gray hair, and I swear, that color looks good with all of my clothes.  I realized later it's actually the same color as my shoes!

I'll take a picture of myself wearing them once they arrive.  It'll be nice to be able to see.  Er...could you guys buy some of my stuff so I don't have to start naming colorways things like "I bought new glasses and now I'm broke"?  Unless someone actually wants a colorway with that name. I guess I could dye it for you.  (Hmm...now I'm thinking about what that would look like.  Well, maybe I'll have to dye it anyway...)

And now, I know what you're saying.  You're saying, "Riin, you keep saying you're going to show us knitting pictures.  Well, where are they?  Are you just all talk and no action?  Where are they, girl?  Cough 'em up!"  I know, I know, I'm the world's worst blogger.  Well, here they are, finally.  First, the purple and blue sock I finished...uh...well, when it was still cold enough to wear socks.  So a few months ago.  Ahem.

Next, my Tigers on Estrogen socks, which I knit using Anne Hanson's Smokin' Socks pattern.

Now you might be thinking they look awfully skinny for my size 8.5 feet and sexy muscular legs, but ah, Anne was sneaky!  Look how stretchy they are!

I'd model them for you, but it's just too hot for me to wear socks right now.  You'll have to use your imagination.  Uh, unless you're some pervert with a foot fetish, then go away, ya weirdo! 

Finally, here's my sock in progress, and I do believe it's my favoritest sock ever.

I'm in love with it.  It's almost the same as the Crocus sport weight I still have one skein of in the shop; the greens just came out a little bit darker in this one (they were from the same dyepot).  Happy happy...

Sigh...I still need to show you my sweater, which is almost finished.  But that will have to wait till next time.  I need to go to bed.  (Have mercy!  I need sleep!)

Finally!

A post with photos!  And a shop update!  I finally added the Orchid Lust handspun yarn I meant to add, um, a couple of months ago?  (Blush...)

And since it's been so long, I spun more in that time, so here's Girlish Charm.

I know, I still need to show you pictures of my knitting, but it's late, and I'm trying to keep a somewhat regular sleep schedule to help the migraines.  I shifted my work schedule half an hour later so I can sleep half an hour later.  After years of trying to go to bed earlier and failing, I've determined that my body just can't do it.  Seems to help somewhat, though it didn't get rid of them entirely.  I did conclude that it was nothing in my diet though -- I was on vacation for two weeks at the beginning of June, stayed home and relaxed and ate all the same foods I normally eat, and didn't have a single migraine the whole time.  

So I'm trying to keep the same sleep schedule 7 days a week now.  No more staying up late on weekends, and I still have to get up at the same time as during the week.  It's been working mostly ok, though I had to take a nap this afternoon.  Ok, time for me to go to bed.   

How to ride a bus

Ridership on the bus is way up now that gas prices are over $4.00/gallon.  I think it's great that more people are looking at alternatives to driving.  But since a lot of riders are new to the bus, I thought I'd write a bit about bus culture and how not to offend everyone else on the bus.  What prompted this?  Uh...the guy who offended everyone on the bus on the way home tonight.  I don't know if he's a bus newbie, but geez, he could use a lesson in etiquette.

Why don't I start at the beginning and describe everything he did?

He got on at the station downtown, as did I.  The bus was on time, maybe even a minute or two early.  It was a shift change for the drivers, and the new driver was waiting on the platform before the bus arrived.  When it arrived, the wheelchair ramp folded out, and the old driver went to unbuckle the handicapped passenger while the new driver set up her stuff and adjusted her seat.  While they were doing that, Mr. Surly said, "I better get a seat on this damn thing."  I looked around.  There was a fair sized crowd, but not even enough to half fill the bus yet.  What was he worried about?

It took maybe a minute and a half for them to finish with the passenger and the shift switch off.  During that time he continued grumbling about getting a seat and how they should hurry up.  The friend he was talking to seemed to be more experienced with the bus and said something like, "I've learned no matter how much you want things to go quick, it just takes how long it takes.  You gotta have patience."  Mr. Surly's response was, "I'm not a doctor.  I don't have patients."

The ramp went up and we got on the bus.  He and his friend sat across the aisle from each other in separate seats, each taking up an entire seat, continuing their conversation, but sitting far enough away from each other that they had to talk loud enough for everyone on the bus to hear.  What is it with guys?  Are you afraid if you sit together in the same seat people will think you're gay?  Can't one of you sit in the seat in front of the other then if you're going to talk to each other?  If you're sitting far enough away from each other that you can't speak in a normal conversational tone, shut up.

He complained about one of the young women in the back of the bus after she mentioned something happening a "long long time ago," as if she had no right to use that phrase merely because she was young.  I hadn't even heard her say it even though I was sitting closer to her than he was.  I imagine everyone on the bus heard him complaining about her though.  I moved back a few seats to try to get away from his negativity, but he was just too loud.

Mr. Surly complained the whole way that this was "taking forever."  Uh.  No, it wasn't.  There were no delays at all.  What was his problem?  Then he complained to his friend, "this is the worst fucking route there is!"  His friend replied, "no, they're all like this."

It became clear what his problem was when he began to throw up his arm in exasperation every time someone pulled the cord to signal a stop request.  With each stop he grew more exasperated.  You could see it in his whole body.  Finally I signaled my stop, and as I expected, he threw up his arm in disgust.  I walked to the back door and said, "That's right, dude, I'm getting off the bus.  That's how the bus works.  People get on, and people get off.  Did you think it was only gonna stop for you, like you're special?  That's not how it works." 

The woman who had been sitting in the seat in front of me thanked me.

So, basically, don't act like that guy.

I am not in the habit of telling people off.  Really.  And I could have said a whole lot more to that guy.  Hoo boy.  A lot more. 

Based on various factors, he paid anywhere from nothing to $1.00 for that bus ride.  A bus ride is not a private taxi ride.  If he wants to pay an arm and a leg for a taxi, he's welcome to.  Or he could walk, or ride a bike.  I imagine there's a reason he's not driving, and I wouldn't recommend driving, but if he thinks the bus is so awful, well, compare it to other options.  Is it really so awful?  What's so awful about it?  The fact that other people ride it?  That you're not the singular solitary passenger?  Dude, get over yourself.

If you're going to ride the bus, accept that other people will be riding it too, and that they have the same rights as you do.  Accept that there is a timetable, and it will tell you what time you will be reaching your destination.  Even if no one stops along the way, the bus can't pass the scheduled timepoints earlier than scheduled.  Think about it: how would you like it if you showed up at a bus stop where a bus was scheduled to be at a certain time and nope, no bus, because it passed by a minute earlier, so even though you were at the stop on time, and that was the published scheduled time it would be there, you've got to wait another half hour now?  You'd be pretty pissed.  That's why the bus has to wait at those points until the scheduled time before it can move on. 

And yeah, you've got to have patience.  I think it's a matter of attitude.  To me, if I'm waiting for the bus, it's just not that big a deal.  It will be here when it gets here.  Whenever it arrives, here it is.  And when I'm riding it, it's not something that takes time; it gives me time.  It gives me time to knit.  Time is a gift.

I suspect Mr. Surly isn't just unhappy about the bus though; he's probably just an unhappy person in general, finding fault with everything.  I feel a bit sorry for him when I think about him that way.  What's troubling is I see a little bit of him in myself, in a past me when I was a very unhappy person, seeing the negative side of everything.  An Eeyore.  I don't think I was ever that obnoxious though.  I sincerely hope not.  If I ever was, I apologize to everyone I offended. 

I'm so glad I'm happier now.  Folks, antidepressants work.  Some people seem to have this idea that they wipe all your quirks away and turn you into some kind of bland Stepford whatever.  No, they just turn you into a functioning human being who can actually enjoy life, which is a lot better than a non-functioning bitch who cries half the day, you know? 

Oh, am I actually supposed to post once in a while?

So, I guess I just haven't really felt like blogging lately.  Stuff happens, and I think "oh, that would be a good thing to blog about," and then I never get around to it.  The blogging bug seems to have un-bit me.  But I'll see if I can give you a pathetic rundown of what's been going on before I leave to go grocery shopping.

I'm almost done with my alpaca/wool cardigan.  I redid the ribbing at the bottom and did the front bands and collar all in corrugated rib with the brown for the purl and the multicolored for the knit, and it looks cool.  I'm almost done with one sleeve, and it's actually the right size this time, so I just have to finish that and do the other sleeve.  (No time right now for photos or I'll have to take a later bus.)  I bought buttons for it yesterday when I went to Knit-A-Round for World Wide Knit in Public Day.  We sat outside and took turns knitting on a monster scarf with 25 mm needles.  Yes, 25 mm.  I didn't leave out a decimal.  US size 50.  It took me a while to get the hang of knitting with needles that huge.  They were like freaking broom handles.  Bizarre.

Let's see, what else...I finished the socks I was knitting.  Started two more pairs.  Yeah, this would be a lot better with photos.  I've been spinning.  I still need to photograph the yarn I finished a couple of months ago.  I just haven't felt like taking pictures.  Haven't felt like dyeing either.  I guess it's something I really just feel like doing in spurts.  I enjoy doing it when I'm doing it, but I really can't do it full time.  I've been thinking about what direction I want to take the business, since it seems the only way I can grow is if I really do the dyeing full time on top of my full time library job.  If I were one of those super-energetic people who can thrive on only 3-4 hours of sleep a night, that might be doable.  I am not one of those people.

I need time to do other things as well, to pursue other interests, to meditate, to relax, to get enough sleep, or I become depressed and physically ill. 

And yet, I don't want to give up the business entirely.  And I don't think I have to.  I just have to give up the idea of having it grow.  I just have to accept that I dye when I feel like dyeing.  The muse shows up when she wants to.  She's not at my beck and call. 

Of course, the IRS is going to want me to show a profit eventually if I'm going to call myself a business.  Um, yeah.  A profit would be nice.

Ok, time to catch the bus.

A Video for you

Yep, I still exist.  I've just been busy with stuff and having a bunch of migraines so I haven't felt like blogging.  I still need to photograph the handspun and get that up on the shop site, but I just haven't been up to it.  Hopefully within the next week.  I wanted to share this video with you though.  Watch it.  It's quite good. 

Woolly woolly woolly!

Now, that's an update!  I just added a whole whack of BFL top and a couple skeins of sock yarn to the shop.  Here's some of the fiber:

It's Carmen Miranda series: Tutti frutti hat.

And here's the sock yarn:

It's superwash merino sport weight in Crocus.  (It's spring!  It's spring!  It's spring!  It's spring!)

Ok, I've got to go to bed.

(Oh, I'll be adding some handspun to the store in a few days -- it's just hanging to dry.)

Woolly dreams!